


All the Things Unsaid and Then Some

by zenkitty555



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Complicated Relationships, Goodbyes, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Doctor Strange (2016), Reconciliation, Sorcerers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 13:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18993157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenkitty555/pseuds/zenkitty555
Summary: Stephen Strange and Karl Mordo have unfinished business with one another, but neither one of them are quite sure how to untangle their complicated feelings.





	All the Things Unsaid and Then Some

**Author's Note:**

> I've had the concept for this fic in my head for over a year, but the words escaped me for a long time. Finally, after a long hiatus, I was able to write and finish it. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Comments and kuddos are love.♡

The way the man stacked the metal cages looked like tossing hay into the back of a truck. The same finesse was there, but the way it landed seemed a lot more delicate than the hay tossing his father used to do. Perhaps, it was because they were lighter and may not hold up as easily. Then again, they were probably sturdy, as lobster cages or whatever they were, were meant to sit at the bottom the the ocean as far as he was aware. However, he was no expert on lobstering. Stephen had a feeling that neither was the man in front of him, yet he seemed to be making a go of it anyways.

“What do you want, Strange?” The growl came.

The hostility was still there from the last time they met. It had been a sorrow filled occasion, and it was clear that nothing was forgiven, even if it had been years since they had come face to face. 

Really, he had no good answer to the question asked of him, but he had to give one anyways, “I heard a rumor you were here.”

“Liar.”

It was true that it was a lie, he actually actively sought out Karl Mordo. Something called to him during those sleepless nights, nagging at his conscious. The thought of himself in Karl’s shoes gnawed at him more than it should have. He would have never reacted to betrayal that way, stealing magic, as if it would balance out the wrong he perceived. 

Stephen was prepared though and pulled out a small book from the inside of his outer robe. 

“They found this while trying to rebuild the living quarters of Kamar-Taj. I told them I’d bring it to you.”

Handing it over, Karl took it and opened it. His eyes narrowed in annoyance before he tossed it overboard into the ocean. It floated on the surface before he took some sort of loose, scrap item on the deck and tossed it, hitting the book. It bobbed and floated back up to the surface, but the Karl seemed pleased all the same. The act seemed to be more cathartic than practical.

“What if someone finds it?” Stephen asked. 

“Then they will assume it’s the ramblings of a crazed man. Not far from the truth.”

“It seemed rational to me.”

“That’s because you and I live very different lives. Some time ago, I would have agreed they seemed rational. Maybe I still would, if only I was able to accomplish my goals.”

The regret in his voice made Stephen pause. Karl truly still believed he was in the right with what he had been doing. There may have been a point to his madness, but Stephen couldn't forget about all the terrible events that had come about because of it. 

“Do you need some help?”

“With those hands?

Stephen was about to snap back that he had magic, but understood the implications and his surroundings, and he knew it would only make things a lot worse. The two of them were wounded by things that once drove them. In that, there would have been some poetry, if it hadn’t been so painful. 

“I was surprised to learn you’re doing this. Never pictured you for someone who would turn to physical labor. You always seemed more like a teacher to me. A bit more bookish.”

Karl stopped doing whatever he had been doing with the line in his hand -fixing it, or undoing it, it was hard to tell. He straightened up and looked at Stephen with less animosity than before. A serene calmness crossed his face, and Stephen could see him relax a little.

“I gave my whole self to others. No more now.” 

Silence fell between them as Stephen nodded in understanding. He then took in a breath, preparing himself before asking something he had no right to ask.

“Do you want to grab something to eat? My treat.”

“On your salary? What makes you think I want to dine with you anyways.”

“What can I say? I saved my pennies.” 

Karl turned slowly to look out at the setting sun, but then bent down to finish what he was doing moments before. Stephen took the hint, and he too turned away from the scene, ready to head home in disappointment. He then heard the weak reply.

“You will have to wait until I’m finished.”

Running his hands through his hair, Stephen sighed in relief. He thought it went a lot better than it might have gone, but he wasn’t about to guess as to why Karl agreed to dine with him. 

A sense of peace came over him at that moment, knowing that despite the biting tone there must still be something there. For him, he knew he couldn’t let go quite yet; at least not before making sure that things between them were settled. If the outcome was bad, he could deal with it. The last time they dealt with one another was not satisfactory, but it was also incomplete. They had been unable to talk alone, surrounded by other sorcerers of Kamar-Taj. Yet, Stephen knew that the whole ordeal with Karl stealing others' magic was essentially and issue between the both of them by the end of it.

Stephen waited patiently and eventually Karl went into the wheelhouse, coming out sans fishing overalls and top sweater. He looked smaller to Stephen for some reason, even if his frame was perhaps larger than before. The man that had been one of the most impactful figures in the last decade of his life was now just a meer man.

“Follow me,” Karl said softly, waving his hand down the dock and towards the parking area still filled with various vehicles.

Stephen felt his heart rate quicken, but knew he had no other option. Like when they first met, he wordlessly shuffled behind Karl, only stopping when they came to a black pickup truck. The older model looked like it had been through some rough times, most likely a second hand buy, necessary for this kind of work. 

With some hesitation, he climbed in as Karl started up the truck. There was a lot of space, and Stephen felt his long legs weren’t as cramped as they normally were in cars, helping him to put it out of his mind that he was once again in a moving vehicle. Since Karl seemed more focused on the road than making the air a little less tense, Stephen kept himself busy by running through all the things that he had been doing earlier in the day. He tried his best not to think of where he was or let other memories of when his brother and sister would pile into their dad’s truck for a ride down to the general store come back to him. It was odd how ghosts never really left, and always wanted to pop up at inopportune times. Being bombarded with various memories at the moment was pushing him to the limit for once -a rare occurrence. 

It wasn’t a very long ride to where they were going. They stopped in front of a building that looked more like a house than a pub it proclaimed itself to be. The area looked to be very residential, but the buildings were clearly a reflection the hard times the town must have fallen upon. There was no mistaking it for the upper-class or suburban feeling that he had the few times he visited Cape Cod or Martha's Vineyard. 

The feeling of deja-vu swooped over him as he got out of the truck, careful not hit the tree that they were parked next to. It was not something he would have ever experienced, yet it felt as normal and familiar as anything else in his life. 

He turned towards Karl to say something, but no words came out, and he closed his mouth as Karl led the way once again. It crossed his mind that the way Karl deigned not to speak to him throughout the ride and now was a type of punishment. Stephen hadn’t strong armed him into eating together, but maybe Karl felt obliged given how he had reacted to Stephen's presence at the moment. 

Walking through the door and inside the dusty, dank ‘pub’ reminded Stephen of dive bars he would go to as a student, only with a lot more sorrow. This kind of place was not somewhere students with no money would come to grab a beer after class, but the kind of place where people had seats imprinted with the mark of their ass. It was the type of place he only had seen in movies, yet somehow it fit the man in front of him. This was most likely due to the quiet atmosphere and hard looks given to them as they walked in. 

The woman working the bar gave them a glance over and nodded at Karl as if to say she saw him. It was not surprising, as it wasn't like there were tons of patrons that would crowd her view.

Taking a seat at an old beaten booth off towards the sides of the room, Karl stared at him for a moment. Stephen sat down, trying not to flinch under his scrupulous gaze. He wanted to look away; it all suddenly felt uncomfortable. It was at that moment Stephen wanted to take back the suggestion of them going to dinner. Thankfully, things eased as Karl turned his head away and towards the woman at the bar. 

It was surprising when Karl started to speak, “Did you come to rub it in? I’m afraid I’ll just disappoint. I’ve been doing better than I have in years -decades even.”

Stephen watched him as he watched the stout woman make her way over, two beers in hand. Stephen hadn’t touched a drop in longer than he could remember, but he felt obliged to take it, still looking at the man across from him. Karl’s expression smoothed as he asked the woman for a menu, who in turn raised her brow at him. 

“I didn’t come to rub anything in. I-” the words caught in his throat. 

He hadn’t thought this out. How could he explain the pull he had towards Karl without sounding off? 

“I came because  _ we _ never finished,” Stephen finally said.

“It was finished when you took my magic.”

Stephen sighed before falling silent as the dusty menus came towards them. The bottles of beer thankfully were less dusty, and he didn’t worry about putting the mouth to his lips, taking a gulp to hide the clear tension between them.

“It was either that or imprisonment. Isn’t it better to live as a free man? Besides, we both know it wasn’t only my decision.”

A council had been formed; they had passed their sentence down. Stephen was one of them being the Sorcerer Supreme. But it was never his say above all others; not like it would have been before Stephen became Sorcerer Supreme. There were points Karl had made that the council had listen to. It was a more democratic way than in the past.

“I was stripped of everything that defined myself -thrown out into the streets with only my wits. Do you think that is an easier justice?” 

“I know it’s not,” Stephen said, removing his hands from his table.

“But you came here to what? Make yourself feel better about it?”

“No-” he began to protest before changing his mind, “Partially. I guess I wanted to make sure you weren’t dead, and now it’s just selfishness.” 

It took him some effort to admit it. 

After his confession, Stephen turned his attention to the menu. Opening it, he found the inside listed standard pub fare with many of the choices blacked out. He closed it without making a choice as the woman came back. It seemed that his choice was not needed as Karl ordered two club sandwiches for them. Stephen figured that was most likely the safest options. 

“I’m not dead. And as I said earlier, I’m thriving.”

It didn’t sound believable, but he continued to insist upon it. There was no reason Stephen could see for arguing against it either. 

“How did you even come to be here, fishing for lobsters of all things?” Stephen asked, hoping the question would turn the mood around.

Karl hesitated, looking at him as if he were asking a trick question.

“I wasn’t about to go crawling back to anyone in my past or take anything from anyone who had wronged me. In my journey to be self sufficient, I found myself  stuck here for awhile. It grew on me, and I stayed.”

“Of all the areas and kinds of work, it’s just surprising.”

“You still have an arrogance about you,” Karl replied, the bite gone from his tone. 

“No. It’s just hard, harder than sorcery.” 

He remembered the days of harvest, tending the animals, and the worry of money his parents had in his childhood. Even when there was a bountiful harvest, it was still hard, if not harder than in lean times. It was one of the reasons he had chosen his path of books and study. Karl didn’t know that though, and he wasn’t going to share either. 

“It’s more rewarding, less disappointing, even when working with others. At the end of the day I go home and sleep well. Can you say the same?”

Stephen smiled and shook his head. There was no arguing with that point; it rang loudly with truth.

“Do you miss it?”

“Magic?” 

Stephen nodded.

“It was part of my being. I was not someone who came looking for sorcery to fulfill some need. I was born with it, and it was ripped from me. I get the lesson, Stephen. I don’t need to have a check up upon my atonement status. I would still do what I did again.”

Silence fell over the table as their sandwiches came to them. Stephen looked at it. It had the basic ingredients, but the bacon looked floppy and the tomato too soft. Thankfully, it came with some chips as opposed to fries, so Stephen started on them first. He probably wouldn't touch the limp pickle spear with its seeds partially removed, most likely from being in its brine for too long. It was awful, but comforting all the same. Their food was a distraction from their sincere conversation.

They ate in silence with Stephen occasionally stealing glances until he got enough courage to speak.

“So did you accept my invitation to give me a piece of your mind?”

Karl put down the quarter of the sandwich before he looked at Stephen. 

“Yes, and to show how well I am doing. You may look at this place and judge, but I am far better off than following false doctrine.”

“No, I actually do get it. I'm not dense.” He was careful with what he said next, worried he would offend. "It's most likely simpler here. People won't cross you unless you cross them first. They're not so friendly, but mostly honest and hard working.”

There was some silence, however Karl didn't look surprised by Stephen's assessment.

“I wasn't always a sorcerer or a surgeon.”

For a fraction of a moment, Karl seemed to reflect upon Stephen's words. In a lot of ways they were opposites, but there were still similar threads running throughout their lives. Those threads went beyond the norms of experiences for most. 

On further reflection, the both of them were intelligent, well educated men, forever changed by circumstances set in motion by their own errors in judgement. Those circumstances had ripped all sense of self from them, tossing their carcasses to the side, as if death had come to claim them. Only they both were reborn anew from their misguided actions, even if it came from very different catalysts: Stephen with his car crash and Karl with his zealotry.

“I wish it all happened differently,” Stephen finally added quietly.

He looked up to see Karl's hard stare fall upon him. His expression seemed annoyed or contemplative. Stephen wasn't sure which. Since silence followed it, Stephen accepted it as reflection rather than irritation as he continued to chew his food slowly. 

Eventually, he put the sandwich down and pushed the plate away, waiting for the man across from him to do the same. Stephen had never really paid attention to Karl eating when they were at Kamar-Taj together, but it was slow and methodical. It was almost like he counted each bite, occasionally finishing a bite off by washing it down with the beer in front of him. The silence became awkward for him at a point. However, he knew he had done enough talking that evening, put in his place with a few glares and poignant words. 

When they were finished, Stephen put a pair of twenties on the table. Karl made no motion or verbal attempt to stop him, and they left. There was little recognition from others that they had gotten up and walked out the door. They then headed towards the sidewalk where the truck was parked. Stephen froze as they approached.

“You're not going to drive, are you?” 

Karl looked at him, “Although I'm within my legal limit, no, I'm getting my bag, and then we are walking to where I live.”

It took a minute to process. 

“We? You're inviting  _ me _ into your home?”

“Unless you wish to go back to the Sanctum so soon. Given that you have most likely one day off a month, I would expect you would want to use it wisely. We both also know that this is not finished,  _ yet _ .”

Karl didn't have to expand on what this was. It was more than just their conversation, it was them, their connection with one another. Somehow Karl's statement felt more foreboding than just saying that they had unfinished business. The little ‘yet’ at the end, sent shivers down Stephen's spine. He knew he'd be safe, but clearly the other man wanted things resolved, and Stephen wasn't sure he wanted that now. There had still been something between them in the restaurant despite the tension that lay in the air. He wasn't quite sure he wanted to open that pandora's box. 

Stephen really had no choice but to follow Karl. They walked a few blocks before arriving at an apartment building. Each building looked about the size of a standard house and then was subdivided into four sections. Two staircases went up to the top floor while the bottom floors had separate porches for each apartment. 

Karl led the way up the stairs to the right side of the house. Stephen assumed it couldn't be more than a one bedroom apartment, but even that was probably spacious for the former Master of the Mystic Arts compared to the rooms of Kamar-Taj.

There was a jingle of his keys, and then they were inside. Karl silently motioned for him to sit down upon the couch. It was a newer one, simple, like most of the objects within Stephen's view. The TV also looked new, but modest. The computer on the coffee table was the same. There were no decoration to be seen, except for a clock on the right side of the wall, close to the door. 

As he looked around, Karl disappeared from view, returning after a minute with a glass of water for Stephen and nothing for himself. He stood examining Stephen as he sat there. His eyes roamed over Stephen's frame, stopping at his hands, which were resting upon his knees lightly. 

“I need to wash up. You can watch TV, if you’d like.”

Stephen nodded dumbly in response. It reminded him a lot of when he was a freshman trying to figure out how to mingle with classmates or strike up a conversation with a professor without getting to what he wanted too fast. Only he didn't want anything from Karl, except to talk. It was really all he came for. Karl seemed to have many other ideas rather than letting Stephen speak, but he had to keep the faith that his patience would pay off. 

After zoning out for a while, drinking his glass of water, and taking a survey of the room he was in, Stephen went into the attached kitchen to get some more water. It was taking Karl a lot longer than he expected. As he reached to turn on the tap, a bottle of whiskey off in the corner caught his eye. It had been opened, but only a glass or two had been poured from it. He thought over it for a moment before deciding that Karl really couldn't begrudge him a drink on his day off. The worst that could happen ultimately was Karl would kick him out if he didn't like it, so he poured himself a splash before downing it in one go. 

The burn felt fitting, and he immediately relaxed as he waited for it to take full effect. For a brief moment, he could even forget that Karl probably wished him ill. He also knew that Karl would have already hurt him if he truly wanted. This was their odd dance. They never seemed able to hold their anger indefinitely, but they couldn't see eye to eye when they didn't need to work together. Still, Stephen also knew there was an attraction there as well, and he felt it acutely while standing in Karl's kitchen, sneaking a small taste of Karl's alcohol. Every fiber of his being should have been screaming that he shouldn't have come, yet here he was. Attraction was the only reason for it -like a moth to a flame.

Stephen closed the top of the bottle before heading back to the living room, thinking about what had happened between them. The riddle of Karl Mordo inviting him into his home still lay in front of him, and he couldn't help but wonder why Karl would insist their dealings were not yet done. Did Karl wish to upbraid him further? Or did he only mean to convince Stephen of his righteousness? He was clearly playing his cards close to his chest. Stephen decided that leaving him alone to think about it seemed a little petty. Instead of hashing it out right then, Karl was taking his time dragging it out. On deeper reflection, Stephen was giving him the courtesy of getting closure, or so his now relaxed mind was trying to convince him. It didn't matter how much truth there was to it.

After quite some time, Karl came back into the room and startled Stephen. The startling part wasn't him coming back, nor was it the entrance he made, but how casual he was. Stephen couldn't help but stare at sleeveless undershirt and sweatpants he was wearing. Where Stephen tried to hide his scars for the most part, Karl wore his proudly, his arms having picked up quite a few since the days he had taught Stephen sparing in the courtyard. And the air about him was enchanting, bringing up feelings Stephen had long suppressed. The worst part of it all was he knew his attraction was tied to his sympathy and empathy for this other man. Had Stephen not have had these feelings lurking inside him, he highly doubted he would have given Karl so many chances to make amends. It was a futile desire he had managed to ignore until this moment.

“Would you like to have a drink with me?” Karl asked in a cordial, neutral tone.

Stephen nodded, not going to admit he already snuck a bit.

When Karl came back with two glasses, he set them upon the coffee table in front of them and sat on the sofa adjacent to Stephen's chair. He sank back into it, looking more relaxed than Stephen had ever seen him, only shifting forward at one point to get the drink in front of him. Stephen left his on the table, watching Karl instead. 

“So what unfinished business did you want to address?” Stephen carefully ventured.

The faster it was over, the faster he could get back to his Sanctum and back to his regular schedule. For the first time since he came, he was regretting his visit. No matter how uncomfortable things were before with Karl’s animosity, it now felt like the shoe was going to drop, but he was unsure how hard it would drop or how it would happen.

Karl didn't answer. Instead, he stood up with his glass in hand and looked at Stephen with the same intensity he had shown many times before. This time he looked to be studying Stephen's expression. Stephen tried to keep a straight face, hiding his nerves. In order to do that, his eyes roamed downward towards Karl's hand holding the glass. His long fingers fell over the top and down the sides so that his palm covered the rim. While Stephen looked at that hand, the other one moved up, bringing his eyes back up. Karl rubbed at his mouth with his thumb, clearly thinking of what he would say. 

“Just say it, since I know you've wanted to give me a piece of your mind for a long time.”

Stephen stood up, pulling at his collar. He started to feel hotter than before, and just wanted to go at this point. 

Karl tilted his head up, looking a little more imposing and challenging.

“I have thought over our relationship for a long time. You brought about the demise of my former self, yet at the same time I  _ chose _ you. I picked you up from the gutters of Kathmandu, and I keep coming back to that. Had I continued on my path, where would we be? Where would I be?”

Stephen looked at him. It was partially the truth. Karl had picked him up from the gutters, changing his life forever in the best way possible. He gave Stephen meaning again by doing that, although Stephen had no idea at the time. However, Stephen disagreed with the idea that he had caused Karl's demise. That had always been his choice. 

“I have thought a long time as to why I chose you, and now I wish to free myself from the conclusion I came to -something that has bothered me for years,” Karl continued.

He was close enough that Stephen could smell the alcohol on his breath and most likely, Karl could smell alcohol on Stephen's breath. As if he cared at that point.

The glass fell from Karl's hand, hitting the carpet with a thud, and Stephen tried to not to move. Staring into Karl's face, he knew the answer as well. It was the pull he also felt. The intoxication of their fascination with one another caused him to lean in, even if so many other aspects of what transpired were telling him he should leave. 

Their lips touched with some hesitation, both knowing that it was a bad idea. Much like most bad ideas Stephen had, he was willing to ignore the bad in order to try to get to the good. It wasn’t long before they were both consumed with a need that was most likely not entirely related to their feelings to one another. Stephen knew on his part that he had felt the ache of physical loneliness over many nights, only satisfying his needs occasionally. He also assumed Karl must have gone through the same. 

There was a sense of isolation about how he lived. Karl's house felt minimalistic in an unintentional way. The bar he clearly frequented was not filled with people who cared to greet him with any normal warmth one would see of friends. He seemed alone, and it hit Stephen that it might be the only way they knew how to live. 

This though was some excitement in their lives, even if it were for only one night. 

Stephen pulled Karl close as they deepened the kiss. His mind kept nagging him that he should be pushing the other man away, but this was long overdue. All they could do was give in to it, as there may never be another chance. The two of them clearly had been fighting it for so long. Each one had hurt the other badly enough to know that it wouldn’t work if they continued to talk. They'd go around in circles that way. He knew once the sun rose again they would go back to their now very different lives, but they could have the night.

Stephen was the one to pull away, looking into Karl's dark eyes. 

“Maybe I should leave.”

It was his way of giving Karl a chance to pause and stop. He knew how impulsive the man could be when he was emotional.

“You can go if you want, but we both know you'll just go back to an empty Sanctum, cutting your night short,” There was a pause, but it was clear that Karl was not done talking, “Or you can stay.”

Stephen wanted to tilt his head down again for another kiss, but Karl had other ideas. The man turned, picked up the glass before putting it on the table, and walked over to the door at the other side of the room. There he turned and raised a brow, as if to say, ‘Are you coming?’

Stephen made his choice, no matter what the fall out may be.

 

.oOo..oOo..oOo.

 

Stephen's mind often wandered back to that early morning he had snuck out of Karl's apartment before sunrise. It had been made very clear to him that it was the best course of action for both of them if he left and did not look back, yet he couldn't forget it. He couldn't shake how much he had wanted to relive those moments again and again. It had felt as if it filled a void in his soul, but once he had gone the hole reappeared. Their night together had only been a temporary fix, and he knew it was systemic of bigger issues between them. In some respects he felt as though they would be intertwined forever. However, he was certain that they would not cross paths again. 

Stephen tried his best to forget it all, and for the most part, he succeeded to some degree. The days were relatively easy, filled with tasks that needed accomplishing and roles he needed to take on. The nights were harder with their bleak emptiness and his mind that would not quit working when the lights turned off.

One evening, he tried his best to keep away the thoughts of what if by standing by the window. It was always refreshing to do a little people watching from it. Watching the students, hipsters, and white collared workers gathering on the streets for dinner and some fun passed the time faster than he expected. Occasionally, he would even see someone he was familiar with; most often it was the guys from the deli or a local sorcerer he had met at The Bar with No Doors.

That night he watched the snow fall upon the hustle and bustling scene below. The snow was slick, almost like a sludge, even before it hit the dirty ground. There were even one or two people with umbrellas, trying to preserve their appearance from the mess falling from the sky and stay dry.

It would have been another uneventful winter's day of scanning the street below him, except he noticed a figure stopped, looking at the door of the Sanctum. At first he thought they may just be looking at the address, but they just stood there for much longer than someone scanning the street to check an address. Stephen noticed they didn't move at all; the figure wasn't pacing or checking a phone like so many others would. Then, it hit him that he had seen the jacket before. The jacket looked like the one Karl had when they caught him. Stephen watched to see if the figure in the jacket would reveal their face. The hood was up, and looking downwards from where Stephen was, it was impossible to see who was under it. Before he could even think about using a spell to peer upon the person, the figure raised their hands to the hood. The long fingers and masculine shape of the hands told him they were most likely a man. Even through the snowy sludge and from the height Stephen was at, he could tell their skin color was like Karl's as well. Stephen forgot to breathe for a while, looking intently to see. However, the figure just pulled their hood closer to their face. As Stephen started the spell to peer on ground level with the figure, they turned to the right before briskly walking away. 

In that moment, despite what his heart was telling him, Stephen stopped the spell. Whoever it was, they clearly wanted nothing to do with 177A Bleecker Street, and Stephen was determined to keep steady, trying to forget about what once was and all the what ifs.

**Author's Note:**

> If this were a song fic, the song would be Heroes by David Bowie.


End file.
